2017

06/12/2017 by Starry Kong

I slept at 5.30 am, and woke up at 7.30 pm.

I was trapped inside of my dream, the nightmare, and couldn’t come out.

My consciousness and cognition were deranged, they kept being switched between “knowing I am in the dream” and “realising this is the reality”.

When you tried to use your logic and reason to recognise and judge what was going on, and all you got was nothing but the query of the logic and reason themselves, you lost all your sense of security — the fundamental thing that keeps you away from the madness. You would be terrified.

Because of the medication, this was not the first time messed me up.

What could make you scared is not the nightmare itself, but the loss of cognitive ability.

我早上5:30分睡覺,傍晚7:30醒來。

我被困在了夢中,我的夢魘里,無法醒來。

我的意識和認知完全混亂了,它們一直在「覺得這是現實」和「意識到我在夢中」不斷切換。

當你試圖用邏輯和理性判斷到底發生了什麼,卻對自己邏輯和理性本身質疑,瞬間,恐懼會 襲來。你喪失了所有的安全感,能讓你保持理智的安全感。

這已經不是第一次因為藥物的副作用,把我搞得一團糟。 其實讓人害怕的並不是噩夢本身,而是認知能力的喪失。

10/11/2017 by Starry Kong

在身邊人都漸漸開始勸我要活在現實里的當下 我知道 我們這一代已經被侵蝕的所剩無幾了

大家嘴裡都唾罵著所謂的「現實」 可為了follow人類規範的存活模式 只能向它妥協

但在軀體妥協的同時 精神意識也漸漸被侵蝕 同化 最後成為了完完整整的「現實體」 成為了這個「現實」的一部分

然後一個個「現實」又開始對還沒被同化的個體「言傳身教」 履行著自以為是的「職責」

可是我這個不幸的軀體被我所佔用了 而我並不想活在你們的「現實」里 我知道下場可能會很慘 但別忘了我本來就不屬於這裡